Fear of Abandonment

I’m not sure what triggered this in me, the reasons behind it, when it started or how it started but unfortunately, I am terrified at the thought of being abandoned. I have watched so many people walk out of my life in the blink of an eye, but trying to readjust my life was not easy. Some of them came back, and some left for good, yet I am left with the scar as a constant reminder, that this person is nothing but memory.The thing is with my fear of abandonment, also comes a fear of attachment. I keep saying to my self the less attached I am, the less it will hurt when you leave. The most ironic thing of this is that I am completely fooling myself. Once I let someone get close, it’s hard to watch them leave. I remember how painful it was when I had to leave to parents in Haiti at the age 14 to come to the States. I was miserable. All I could think of was the fact that I won’t ever live with my parents again, that part of my life was over, so early… Then  my sister moved to Antigua and my brother got married, another part of my life that was over. Then I got engaged… that didn’t last too long… then were friends, and once lovers all gone at some point. Seems like a pattern. So I tell my self that this is part of life, there will goodbyes, there will be changes, but my mind just won’t get used to it. The paranoid side of me comes out the minute that I start arguing with a loved one, and soon enough I start assuming that this person is about to walk out of my life, blaming my self for all the pain that I’m starting to feel. Looks like it’s time for damage control AGAIN…

Yet another thing that I can’t control… No matter how much you may love someone, truth is you have no control over who walks out of your life, for whatever reason it may be…

 

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2 thoughts on “Fear of Abandonment

  1. Awwwwww

    Sister, you made me cry.. I know.. You saying (Ugh, Such A drama King)… LOL.. But We kinda share the same emotions. I have that fear too. But guess what.. You can count on God first to never leave you. Second on your family.. No matter how far we are from each other physically, you know We are a Dissfunctionally loving family. I personally care and love you very much. You know it’s the same for Dayane, mom, and Dad.. (even when this guy’s Loving attitudes are strange). LOL

    A big brother’s advice…

    You are older now, and that’s the brother and friend advice.. not the “You bet not Date” advice.. Even when, I didn’t know you were engaged.. ok… here is the advice
    Life is about chances, You just need to know who is worthy for you to let in your life.. including friends, and significant other. You have a lot to offer which automatically says you have a lot to lose. Just pick them wisely.
    Hurt? trust me, you will get hurt.. this is life. No one is exempt from that. One thing I also learn, when someone decide to walk away, if in your heart, and mind you are not at fault or if you are and they don’t want to accept your apology,, LET THEM WALK….

    Ok Sis… I love you VERY MUCH…. We need to go back on scheduling random Lunch Dates like we used to.. Even tho I don’t EAT SUSHI… That doesn’t mean we can’t have lunch… LOL

    I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH… and THAT You ALREADY KNEW

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