From Haiti with L0vE

I am currently in Haiti vacationing and visiting my parents and I thought that I would write a small blog 🙂

I’ve been here for seven days now and so far my stay has been wonderful. I have been getting plenty of sleep, eating like royalty lol, and enjoying being away from “life as we know it”. I also tried to limit the time that I spend on my computer social networking or checking my email, and I purposely did not add the internet plan on my phone so that I can be disconnected from it all and just enjoy being home. Perhaps Haiti might  not be the best vacation spot  for some, and for others it may be where they will be partying during the holidays. To me there was no better palce to spend the holidays this year. The whole family was reuinted and we got to celebrate together. Most importantly, being here always reminds of how blessed I am, and shows me that I have a reason to grateful every single day that I wake up. As some of us might know, Haiti is a country where the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer and this more and more obvious. On one end of the country there are those who would just love to have shelter and a warm plate of food for Christmas, and on the other there are those who are celebrating because their income trippled this year… and although the majority falls on the other end of the ladder, what I love the most about my people is their ability to still have hope in spite of it all. I love driving by a tent and seeing the kids play and laugh right outside of their tents. Seeing the people smile through their pain, and still have the courage to want to celebrate Christmas was just what I needed during the holidays.

Being home has not only given a chance to be reminded where I came from and also where I am going in life, but has also given me a renewed spirit of gratitude.

Advertisements

When was The Last Time that you did Something for the 1st Time?

Wow it has been a while since I last got on this website to blog. I must say that I miss writing to you all but the end of the semester is near and I am swamped with school work. That is the reason why you have not heard from me in a while, but school will be over in a couple of weeks and I will be back on full-time 🙂

I wanted to stop by today to ask you this question: when was the last time that you did something for the first time? Many of us can’t even remember, because we so are caught up in our daily routine, going to school, work, studying, church, going out to the same places, with the same people, doing the usual… We barely ever think about doing something new, something different, something that we’ve never done before.

Well I took the chance and decided that I was going to take the risks, and do something different. I visited new places, and did things that I always wanted to do but never had a chance to. I am an ocean lover, and I always wanted to swim in crystal clear water and go snorkeling where I can see the corals and all the beautiful fishes, in all these beautiful colors, and now I’m glad that can check that off my list. I also went parasailing with my significant other, and although I felt like I was about to have a heart attack when I was up 300 ft over that ocean, I am glad that we did it, and had a good laughing it off lol.

Enough about me, what I wanted to share is that sometimes, you have to take the time to allow yourself to do something out of the ordinary. Whether it involves traveling, learning a new language, learning how to play a sport, trying a new dish, whatever it is, as long as it is something that you have not done before. From time to time, allow yourself to think outside the box, step away from the ordinary and do something for the first time.

Fear of Abandonment

I’m not sure what triggered this in me, the reasons behind it, when it started or how it started but unfortunately, I am terrified at the thought of being abandoned. I have watched so many people walk out of my life in the blink of an eye, but trying to readjust my life was not easy. Some of them came back, and some left for good, yet I am left with the scar as a constant reminder, that this person is nothing but memory.The thing is with my fear of abandonment, also comes a fear of attachment. I keep saying to my self the less attached I am, the less it will hurt when you leave. The most ironic thing of this is that I am completely fooling myself. Once I let someone get close, it’s hard to watch them leave. I remember how painful it was when I had to leave to parents in Haiti at the age 14 to come to the States. I was miserable. All I could think of was the fact that I won’t ever live with my parents again, that part of my life was over, so early… Then  my sister moved to Antigua and my brother got married, another part of my life that was over. Then I got engaged… that didn’t last too long… then were friends, and once lovers all gone at some point. Seems like a pattern. So I tell my self that this is part of life, there will goodbyes, there will be changes, but my mind just won’t get used to it. The paranoid side of me comes out the minute that I start arguing with a loved one, and soon enough I start assuming that this person is about to walk out of my life, blaming my self for all the pain that I’m starting to feel. Looks like it’s time for damage control AGAIN…

Yet another thing that I can’t control… No matter how much you may love someone, truth is you have no control over who walks out of your life, for whatever reason it may be…

 

A gift that Saved Four Lives

This month’s issue of the Essence magazine features the touching story of a mother who had to make one of the most difficult decisions after the death of her 26 year old son. Chris was not only her son, but also a football player, a father of three and engaged to be married in a couple of months. Life was looking good for him. His mom talks about how excited he sounded about his wedding while they were on the phone talking just the night before the tragic accident. The next morning she gets the devastating phone call announcing that her son fell from the back of a moving pickup truck while arguing with his fiancee. He suffered numerous head injuries and was left brain dead. The doctors said that there was nothing left to do, and that’s when she made the decision of donating the organs of her beloved son. She goes on to say that she could not help but wonder what kind of people would receive the gifts from her child, until one day she received a phone call, and was asked to meet with four people who Chris had changed their lives.  These people were now able to do things, and live a healthy life, because of the donation that was made. Most importantly she said that although her son’s life was over, four other lives were saved because of his.

This story truly touched my heart and I have ever since been thinking about becoming an organ donor. It’s definitely not an easy decision to make, but I think it’s one that we should consider. I can’t help but wonder how grateful I would be if I were to have a second chance to life because someone else gave me that opportunity.

April is is National Donate Life Month, for more information on organ and tissue donations go to donatelife.net or organdonor.gov

So you want me to Trust you…

So many times I have gotten into an argument with someone over the big “T” word. Times and times again I have heard this sentence: I just want you to trust me. Well I honestly don’t understand how someone could just expect me to trust them, especially after they did something that took away the trust that I had in them. I can forgive you 100 times and still not be able to trust you. Trust has to be earned, it is not given. While you might sincerely regret what tou did that made you lose my trust, by no means do I have to just open up to you and trust you all over again. I hate when people try to play the victim after they have done the wrong. I do not have to pay for the consequences of your actions. You made your bed, now you sleep in it. People so many times think that once they say I’m sorry everything should go back to normal. Well newsflash: that’s not how it works. I understand that you are sorry but what you need to understand is that you did something that ruined the trust that once existed between the two of us, and that is the price that you have to pay. Perhaps eventually you may be able to regain my trust, but there’s also the probability that you won’t. Only advice I can give, is to think twice before you lose someone’s trust because that is one thing that you may try very hard to get back and never succeed.

Don’t Judge the Book by its Cover

Several weeks ago, I was having a discussion with someone very dear to me when the person told me that although I may act differently, I could not be much more different than my friends. Because this person knows my friends, and knows certain things about them, I was automatically tagged as behaving in the same way that my friends do.

I have been thinking about that statement from quite some times and just could not understand what my friends’ behavior and mine had in common. Just a little history on the side: my friends are very few in numbers, I have known most of them for at least 10 years, and more than half of them do not live in the same state as I do.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, I am deeply troubled by the fact that people do not see me as my own person. I have always been strong willed and strong minded. I do not go where I don’t want to go and nobody can force me to do what I don’t want to do. (my family can testify to that). I have never been a follower. Just because my friends do something does mean that I’m going to do it, unless I have some personal interest in doing so.

I do believe that you are influenced by the people that you mostly spend time with and that you must be very careful with who you surround yourself with. But I also know that I have my own identity, my own likings, my own taste, my own thoughts, my own interests, my own free will and once I stop doing these things to follow someone else’s footsteps then that is when I lose my identity.

I truly value friendship because it is something so beautiful yet so hard to find. I do not base my friendship on my friends’ social lives, in fact I have very little to do with that. Friendship to me is based on experience, on the number of years where you can look back and see that this person has always been there even with the fact that we have been separated by distance, we have all grown up to be so different from each other, yet always knew that a phone call would be enough in times of need.

Don’t be so quick to judge someone by their actions, even more to tag someone else because of someone else’s actions. What you need to remember is that someone is be easy to look at, yet so hard to see…

 

Personality Disorders

Last year I remember taking a personality test which said that I had a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, having read about the signs and symptoms characterized by this disorder I concluded that I did not. Yesterday, I found my self taking another Personality disorder test, a completely different one this time, with different sets of questions, and ended up with the same result: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I spent a couple of hours researching my disorder and simply refused to believe that I could be that type of person that was being described. Although I could honestly recognize some of the signs and symptoms, I preferred to be in denial. Making this public about my self  was definitely not an easy decision to make, but I felt that sharing this information could possibly be a step towards getting rid of this disorder.

Here is the definition of someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and in other areas of their life, such as work or school.

The Signs and Symptoms:

  • Believing that you’re better than others
  • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
  • Exaggerating your achievements or talents
  • Expecting constant praise and admiration
  • Believing that you’re special and acting accordingly
  • Failing to recognize other people’s emotions and feelings
  • Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
  • Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
  • Believing that others are jealous of you
  • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
  • Setting unrealistic goals
  • Being easily hurt and rejected
  • Having a fragile self-esteem
  • Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

My Goodness! This is describing a monster!

Although I do not have all of these symptoms, reading this made me understand a lot about some things that I personally have been struggling with. A lot of times, my friends and family try to reach out to me and try to make me understand certain things about my personality that have been causing a barrier between me and my relationship with them, I never could clearly understand why, and often have a hard time processing how they truly feel.

I have decided to go on journey and try to fix some of these things that have been detrimental to my personal life. I am going to try to overcome this disorder once and for all, step by step, little by little. I will definitely keep you updated as I overcome these symptoms one after the other.

This is the link to the website where I took this test: personality_disorder_test.mv

You may wish to take it for yourself, and decide to change some things for the better. Good luck 🙂

 

Casual Sex…pt 1

Sometimes we (women) feel we have to have sex like men in order to be perceived as sexually astute. We pretend as if having a man crawl on top of us and shoving himself inside our bodies, panting and sweating without much focus on any further intimacy other than our bodies connecting is no big deal. It is! The sexual act is an invasive process. Our bodies don’t just touch a man when we copulate. We actually take them in. Everything about men becomes part of us as they move around inside our most private, personal space. It’s a huge deal ladies…Men and women are physically constructed differently, meaning the act of copulation is internal for women and external for men. Think of it like this: It’s impossible for a woman to be emotionally disengaged once she has sex with a man for the simple reason that he enters her body, and literally, lays among her organs- the very instruments that keep her alive and give her the gift of life. This is personal, extremely personal. There’s no disconnecting from something this intrusive, no matter how much you try to convince yourself you can.

Karrine Steffans

I know this post is going to be a shocker for some people, but regardless I had to share my opinions on casual sex when it comes to women. FIRST OF ALL when did women start having sex for the sole purpose of pleasure with no commitment and no feelings involved? I have never really gotten the concept of having casual sex especially when I know that women are emotional creatures. How on earth do you expect to have a man laying inside of you, letting someone into the most private and personal space of your life, and then just walk off like something never happened!

The saddest part of all this is that we have become so commercial, and so drawn into society’s image of us that we have lost the essentials of being a woman. Not only are we using sex to get money, we now have gone even lower to the point where we think that having sex with a guy for the sole purpose to satisfy your needs is normal, even with a stranger!!!!

We no longer look for commitments and settle for “cut-buddies”. We have lost our identities. Women are now initiating sex, chasing after men for sex, allowing men to treat them as sex toys, or” booty calls” and start wondering why they are being disrespected, and can’t get a man to commit after he’s done doing what he had to do. But what we fail to realize is that once you’ve allowed a man to lay with you for a couple of times you start catching feelings! you can only be intimate with a man for so long before you start wanting more than just sex…. Now what to do you after you’ve fallen for this guy who is getting ready to walk out the door? How do expect to keep this man who You have already given all you had? Do you really think that this man is actually going to start a relationship with you? Think about it, Why would he pay for something that he’s already gotten for FREE!

Clean out your closet

I am one of those people who’s closet is always full. Funny enough I happen to have a walking closet but I can’t even take two steps in there because it’s so crowded. The more I try to keep it organized, the more crowded it gets. Thing is half of what’s in there either doesn’t fit anymore, or I no longer wear, and some have been sitting there for years, and I just never wore them.

Now why would I keep all this stuff in there that is just taking up room? So I’ve decided to stop cleaning up and start cleaning out. Literally taking out clothes and shoes, and purses, everything in there that I have not used in the past months…I think we all know where this is going.

All of us have some cleaning out to do, not only in our closets but also in our lives. There is no way that you can keep your life organized when things are clustered and messy. There are things that we are holding on to that no longer have their place in our lives. I call them dead weight. Grudges, remorse, regrets, past relationships, betrayals, so called friends, suppose-to-be family, mistakes, drama, guilt… You know better than I do all the trash you have piling up in your closet. well honey is time to clean out!

As this new year is unfolding, you owe it to yourself to get rid of the trash in your home. Stop making up excuses for the reason why you are still trying to wear these shoes that no longer fit.  Stop holding on to the garbage and get rid of the mess. Make room for possibilities, make room for what’s new, and please no matter what you do, don’t be foolish enough to run back to the dumpster after you finally get rid of your trash!

Be Responsible, Protect Yourself and Your Partner.

Awareness without action is worthless.

Today, December 1st is AIDS Awareness day. I happen to know someone who died of Aids and I also know someone who currently has Aids. Although people are now able to live longer with the disease, the medications provided are extremely expensive, and one is dependent on these medications to stay healthy. Being on the medication does not make the virus go away, neither does it stop the person from giving the virus to someone else. Someone on medication may not have any physical symptoms, therefore we must be aware of whom we have sexual intercourse with. You can only protect yourself, and also protect your partner by doing so. Although you may be committed to someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is exclusive with you, meaning that this person may be having sex with other people. This is all to say that the use of condoms is essential in the prevention of HIV. Be responsible, protect yourself, and protect your partner.