Finally done with the 30 days of truth, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The reasons why I decided to make mine public were absolutely personal. The questions that were asked daily are issues that we all encounter at some point of our lives. Many of them I’ve had to go through at some point and I felt that my experience can help someone else avoid some of the mistakes that I made. This journey was not at any point a way for me to brag about my dreams and my issues or things that I do on my spare time, on the contrary this was a way for me tho think about things that I may have overlooked. This was nothing more than a 30 days of self reflection, and I’m glad that I have found answers to some questions that I had for my self, I also thought about certain things on a deeper level, and started working on some issues that I had no idea were still a part of my life.
I encourage anyone who wants to do this self reflection journey to take the leap and do it, by no means do you have to publish yours, but if you feel that someone else might be able to relate to some of your experiences or might enlighten someone else, then do publish it for you never want to miss a chance to help others. If you do decide to share yours, keep it personal and refrain from sharing too many details, and naming other people in your writings, because you want to assure that you still keep you and others’ privacy.
Take time to know yourself, learn from the past, plan for the future. You may want to lie to others, or others may lie to you, but you must remain truthful to your own self!
I love you for who you are, with all your discrepancies and your flaws. I love your love for your family, the love that you have for your friends, and the love that you have inside of you, making you available for anyone in need, and expecting nothing in return. I love your ability to handle hardships and hold your self together. The way you hide the pain and the scars behind your smile, sends off the message that all should know: Life goes on. I absolutely love the fact that you learn from your mistakes, and don’t need others to tell you your faults, because you do not allow yourself to be in denial. Above all, I love the ability to turn around every single bad thing that ever happened to you into a life lesson, and grow from it. You have truly grown, beyond what I even expected, and I applaud you for that. Your ability to forgive and move on, your ability to distinguish the wrong from the right, the precise way that you do not allow certain people to be part of life, the attention that you give yourself, in order to become who you want to become, demonstrates your life priorities. Keep the faith and continue to be your own person. Let no one stop you or define you for you are the head and not the tail… always keep in mind that no matter how bad it gets…this too shall pass.
Stand tall, walk proud, Smile always, and love sincerely,
Your Inner self
“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.”
I have witnessed my diabetic grandpa, having to have both of his legs amputated because of his pride. Some years ago, he lost his right leg, after not admitting his negligence. He was not following his diet and kept it all to himself even when he was ill. This month, he had to be operated on the left one, which they ended up also amputating, again because he was being stubborn,and even when he was on the verge of dying, he just would not call for help, or admit his mistakes because of his pride.
I am a very prideful person. I can be strong headed at times, but my pride is my downfall. I am aware of some circumstances where I was wrong but my pride would not let me admit it so I would rather lose what once meant a lot to me, instead of apologizing.
I have been trying to work on that, because I do not want my pride to set my boundaries. Many of us tend to listen to our pride and be boastful, instead of being humble and try to find a way to make certain things work. Pride is what keeps certain of us from having a good relationship with God, our parents, our mate, our friends, our coworkers, our entourage… For we simply do not know how to accept the fact that we sometimes make mistakes, and Pride sometimes converts this mistake into a catastrophe that cannot be reversed.
Move in with my grandma! lol JK. On a serious note, a pregnancy should not be taken lightly, no matter what the conditions may be. I’m at a point in my life where I’m definitely not ready to have a baby. I’m not sure what my reaction would be, or what I would do if I was to become pregnant. I know that people are faced with different circumstances, and different situations, and I don’t mean to point fingers or judge others, but I am definitely Pro life.
If I am at a point where I won’t have the financial support or the means to raise a child, then I would definitely consider adoption. If I am healthy, and able to provide the needs of my unborn child, then by all means, this baby would be one of the greatest blessings to me!
Unfortunately sometimes life throws us some punches, and I may not be able to carry a pregnancy to term, or God forbid, the pregnancy is the result of a rape, then I would probably consider not having the baby. BUT, I am a baby my self( the spoiled little girl of my family), and the clock is not ticking, therefore, the best to do now is to achieve some personal short term goals, including financial stability and a career, then we can start planning for this little bundle of joy, God willing 🙂
Towards the end of last year, I started to think about what my resolutions for the year to come would be. You know doing the regular self evaluation, and I said that I would make 2010 the beginning of a new Me. I had some baggages that I had to let go, some bad habits that I had to get rid of, but I mostly felt like I was starting to lose my self confidence. I did not really what I saw when I looked at the mirror, and for those of you know me, that’s a huge problem! So I decided to actually start going back to the gym, and almost had a heart attack when I got on that scale! Went home and had a pity party, then decided that I needed to lose weight, until I start feeling comfortable in my own skin. And it all started in October of last year. It has been the biggest challenge for me, because I had no idea that I would be able to lose so much weight. Started noticing my close fitting looser, then those numbers kept on going down on the scale, then people started telling how much weight losing, and now I’m annoyed with buying clothes every other month so I won’t sag!
This accomplishment meant more to me than just looking good. It just made me realize that I can do anything that I set my mind to, as long as I do it for the right reasons, and only to please my self. Gave me determination, and definitely made me believe in my abilities. I must also thank my personal nutritionist, without whom, I would probably waste time doing crash diets (Thanks Djenane!!!!) and my ride or die/won’t let me fall of the wagon/diet partner Guess, who has been the best motivator( in all aspects)!
Of course I won’t tell you how much I weight, but I will tell you that I lost 30 pounds, looking forwards to losing 20 more!!!! Remember whatever the mind can conceive, it can achieve!
This is a Before and after pic lol
I am so afraid of failure and rejection, that when things don’t work out as planned or as I would want, I tend to throw in the towel, and quit. Taking my life away, has never been, and will never be an option for me, but when I am faced with circumstances where the odds of things working out are so little, I often find my self laying in bed, in fetal position, helpless and hopeless, not wanting to think about tomorrow, or the day after, and the day after. These are the days where I literally take things on a daily basis. No plans, not looking forward to what the day has to offer, I just get out of bed, and let it be. I recall feeling so confused and angry, and asking my mom what was next? It had been two months after the earthquake, and I had just started to wrap my head about the reality of things. She told me that life goes on. Nothing will ever be the same but as long as we are still alive, we must make our life worth living, by making the most out of everyday. Do not get attached to the material things of this world, she told me. Live and learn, go to school and get an education, help others, make friends, love, and learn life lessons for these things, what you know and who you are, are the only things that cannot be taken from you.
These are the things that I live by, the reasons why I have not given up on life.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
There is no doubt in my mind that God’s mercy and his grace are the only reason that I am still alive. At this point of my life, I have come to realize that I must let God use me for his purpose, and also let him put into actions the plans, that he does have for me. I believe that He created me for a reason, and for a purpose. A purpose that I ignore, but I am learning to trust him every day that I take a breath, for his plans can never fail. In my human nature I sometimes try to go my way, and make my decisions, but when God has his hands on you, you always find a way to go back to him, and pray that he will guide you, because nothing seems right once you have gone astray. I have no idea how much left I have here on earth, but I hope that I won’t interfere with his plans, and be humble and faithful to him. As long as I have fulfilled his mission, and have prepared my self, and my heart, and he sees that I am ready, I believe that is when I will no longer be.
That’s the reason I’m still alive, because God is using me to perhaps help someone in need, feed someone who’s hungry, smile to someone who has lost hope, or sing life into someone who felt like life is worthless…. whatever his reasons may be, may his will be done!
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
To my French Vanilla Cappuccino,
I love the fact that we agreed to get to know each other first
I love how it all started, no lies, no expectations, no committments
I love how it all came to be, and how the feelings slowly started to grow
I love the fact that we are well aware of each other’s flaws
I love how you think I’m bipolar, and I think you’re stubborn
I love the way I feel when I’m with you 🙂
I love it all…and I would love to see how far we are willing to take this…
I love to travel. I love to go sight seeing, and visit new places. There is nothing more beautiful to me than natural resources. I wish that I had the chance to visit the different provinces of Haiti during the fourteen years that I have lived there. There is so much to see, so many breath taking beautiful places to visit, but sadly i have only heard about them or seen them in pictures. I had the opportunity to go to Saut Mathurine in Camperrin ( which is the picture that I have posted on this blog) and it was amazing! I had no idea that such a beautiful waterfall even existed in Haiti. I have also been to Cap-Haitien, Aux Cayes, Port Salut, and Jacmel. But when I listen to other people talking about places that they have visited in Haiti, I truly feel as if I still have a lot to discover of what my home land has to offer, such as Bassin bleu, Gelee, Source chaude, Ile a vache, Abakabay, Petit Goave, and so forth. Being that my dad is from Cap-Haitian, I have been to Labadee several times as a child, but I definitely plan on going back with all the different changes that the US who bought the land from us have made.
Although it is difficult to make near future plans to visit some places of the country, especially after the devastating earthquake, I do wish and I hope that eventually I will learn to appreciate, and know more of what my Haiti Cherie has in her roots….
I am really starting to understand the fact that we are shaped by our past experiences. As a child, I was extremely naive and a bit stubborn. I liked to see things on my own, and draw my own conclusions after I make my own mistakes, my own experiences. Despite what others said, I engaged my self in a serious committed relationship, at a very young age, and that is something that I wish I did not do. Not only was I no where close to being ready for such experience, but I also grew up trying to be the person that my mate wanted me to be, He was older than me, and therefore expected me to act, think, and be as mature as he was. We were on and off together for about seven years,which caused me to skip so many stages of my adolescence. Because of the type of person that he was, I could not do things that other girls my age were doing. He did not want me to go out with my friends because he did not approve of them. He wanted to be my only friend and as a consequence, I grew apart from my friends. Later on in my teenage years, as I started to build my own character, he made me feel as if I was just going through a stage, and was confused about my personality. As much as he tried to mold me into someone I was not, I no longer wanted to lie to my own self about who I was. Not that I regret being in such relationship, but I now realize that these are years of my life that I will never go back to. And now at such a young age, trusting a man enough to be in a committed relationship with is a hassle, along with trust and acceptance issues.
I wish that I did not go through some of these emotions at a time where I had no idea how to confront them. But we live and we learn. Now that I am back to square one, I’m learning to date, to know what I want in a man, what I will and will not do for a man, and definitely how I should be treated. I’m slowly staring to release the brake pedal, and experiencing what having someone in our life entails, since i have now established my own rules and standards. If anything I now know that there is no way that you can make someone else happy if you aren’t happy with yourself. But most importantly, the person who truly loves you will accept you for who you are, which is why it is so important to take the time to get to know yourself, so you won’t end up fitting into someone else’s shoes.