A couple of days ago, laying in my hotel room in DR, I was watching an interview where Janet Jackson was talking about the book that she wrote “True You” where she discussed her struggle with her weight. Why on earth is Janet Jackson even talking about weight issues when she has the perfect figure? Little did I know she was one of us, one more person who was not comfortable with what she saw in the mirror. During her interview she mentioned the fact that she was an emotional eater and could easily gain 60 pounds in a month . Although I am not an emotional eater, hearing about her struggles made me decide that I would definitely buy her book as soon as I get back to the States because I felt like I could relate.
I cannot remember ever being the normal weight and size for my age. growing up I always knew that I was bigger than I should be. I got my first gym membership when I was 9 years old. One day my dad picked me up from school and took me to my first gym class, and since that day, I became very self conscious about the way that I look. I remember always asking my mom, my sister and my friends if I was bigger than this girl that just walked by, always comparing my self with someone else. I was never satisfied and comfortable with what I saw in the mirror, and after hitting puberty, it got even worst. I believe in I was a sophomore in high school when I started dieting. I have tried it all: slim fast, the diet patch, the grapefruit diet, the lemonade diet, the cabbage diet, an endless number of diet pills, and even a body wrap. I have considered lipo suction and a gastric bypass but of course I wouldn’t qualify because I was not big enough.
My weightloss journey began the day that I got on a scale and noticed that I was 5 pounds away from reaching the 200 mark. I refuse to weight 200 pounds! How did this happen? I’m always dieting and watching what I eat. I was determined to lose the weight and set my goal to lose 10 pounds within the next two months. I have now lost 30 pounds! Yes I am very proud of my self, and love when people tell me how good i look in this new body. I went down 2 dress sizes and love how my clothes fit. I also discovered that I am still not satisfied with what I see in the mirror. I am still not comfortable in my own skin. This made me wonder if I could ever get to a point where I am pleased with the way that I look. Is this struggle of mine mental? what is it gonna take for me to accept my body the way that it is? Is this going to be a lifelong struggle?
Sometimes I wish that I was one of those people that can go to the beach and not worry about people think of them. I do wish that I could go shopping and not think about if I look fat in the dress that I was buying. I once ordered some pants online and was worried that it would not fit. When I finally got it, I realized that I was right and I was wrong. The pants did not fit. They were too big. Thinking that it would fit too tight, I ordered some pants that were two sizes bigger than I was. My friends made fun of me, and turned it into a joke: “of course you would order something that’s too big, since you seems to think in your mind that you’re huge!”
This has been my struggle. One that many others are facing, even celebrities. It is not an easy struggle, and sometimes people don’t realize how it affects someone’s life. But it does. Learning to love yourself the way that you are is not always easy. One that many of us have trouble doing, It is a challenge to not just accept yourself the way the more that you are, and even harder to learn to love what you see when you look in the mirror.