I watched the movie “For Colored Girls” two weeks ago, and as much as I wanted to blog about it, and share my thoughts and my opinion on this harsh/slap in the face/ the ugly truth movie, I still feel as if I did not completely grasp the message or the picture that the author of the book, not Tyler Perry, wanted to convey. So before I do talk about it, I will read the book, and maybe it will shine a light on the parts are beyond me.
But there is one thing that I felt was addressed to me. That lady put into words what I was feeling, it’s as if she was reading my autobiography.
Somebody almost walked off wid alla of my stuff….Once sentence that I kept with me, got me thinking about that time of my life, when somebody almost walked off with alla my stuff.
stealin my shit from me/ dont make it yrs/ makes it stolen/ somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i waz standin there/ lookin at myself/ the whole time & it waznt a spirit took my stuff/ waz a man whose ego walked round like Rodan’s shadow/ waz a man faster n my innocence/
waz a lover/ i made too much room for/ almost run off wit alla my stuff/ & i didnt know i’d give it up so quik/ & the one runnin wit it/ don’t know he got it/ & i’m shoutin this is mine/ & he dont know he got it/ my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure of the year/
did you know somebody almost got away wit me/ me in a plastic bag under their arm/ me danglin on a string of personal carelessness/ i’m spattered wit mud & city rain/ & no i didnt get a chance to take a douche/ hey man/ this is not your perogative/ i gotta have me in my pocket/ to get round like a good woman shd/ & make the poem in the pot or the chicken in the dance/
This poem came from the lady who could not find it in her to leave this man, who she knew was no good. This man who kept on leaving her for some other woman, and would come back whenever he felt like it. She gave it all to him, everything she had and what she didn’t have, and he almost walked off with it all, with all she was, and she did nothing to stop him.
Every time that this man left, she would run to his closet and his drawers to see if he took his clothes, that was her only hope that he would come back.
I’ve never lived with a man, never waited for a man to come back to me after he had been with some other girl. But I have given all of my stuff to people who didn’t even care to realize that they were about to walk out of my life, with all of my stuff. I’m not referring to the physical, not referring to material things, and definitely not only referring to past relationships. I am talking about people who abused of your innocence, people who knew it would tear my heart apart when they left the house without notice, people who knew I was just a resting stop on their path, yet they were ready to walk off with alla my stuff.
…Now I’m left with this thick brick wall all around me. Afraid to let anyone in, and afraid to give an inch of my stuff. How do I know that history is not going to repeat itself? How do I know what to expect if you act so careless? I’m not gonna wait til my phone rings to know that you’re still around… why do I have to function on your terms? How am I suppose to turn this brick wall into a wooden wall when I don’t know that you won’t tear it down, and try to walk of with alla my stuff….