I am really starting to understand the fact that we are shaped by our past experiences. As a child, I was extremely naive and a bit stubborn. I liked to see things on my own, and draw my own conclusions after I make my own mistakes, my own experiences. Despite what others said, I engaged my self in a serious committed relationship, at a very young age, and that is something that I wish I did not do. Not only was I no where close to being ready for such experience, but I also grew up trying to be the person that my mate wanted me to be, He was older than me, and therefore expected me to act, think, and be as mature as he was. We were on and off together for about seven years,which caused me to skip so many stages of my adolescence. Because of the type of person that he was, I could not do things that other girls my age were doing. He did not want me to go out with my friends because he did not approve of them. He wanted to be my only friend and as a consequence, I grew apart from my friends. Later on in my teenage years, as I started to build my own character, he made me feel as if I was just going through a stage, and was confused about my personality. As much as he tried to mold me into someone I was not, I no longer wanted to lie to my own self about who I was. Not that I regret being in such relationship, but I now realize that these are years of my life that I will never go back to. And now at such a young age, trusting a man enough to be in a committed relationship with is a hassle, along with trust and acceptance issues.
I wish that I did not go through some of these emotions at a time where I had no idea how to confront them. But we live and we learn. Now that I am back to square one, I’m learning to date, to know what I want in a man, what I will and will not do for a man, and definitely how I should be treated. I’m slowly staring to release the brake pedal, and experiencing what having someone in our life entails, since i have now established my own rules and standards. If anything I now know that there is no way that you can make someone else happy if you aren’t happy with yourself. But most importantly, the person who truly loves you will accept you for who you are, which is why it is so important to take the time to get to know yourself, so you won’t end up fitting into someone else’s shoes.